We’ve all been there when we’ve made our big mistakes and lived to thoroughly regret them. Sometimes it’s just opening your mouth to change feet, saying exactly the wrong thing at the wrong time, making a poor investment and losing spectacularly with terrible consequences, walking away from an opportunity that you should have grabbed, or hurting the feelings of a friend in a moment of verbal and emotional clumsiness.
You spend nights ruminating and writhing inside thinking, “Coulda, shoulda, woulda” and trying to sell the situation back to yourself so it doesn’t sting so badly. Nothing helps though. You were wrong, and that’s life. Some things just cannot be undone. Some apologies are not going to fix things and once the opportunity is gone, it’s not coming back. It’s a disaster that remains a right mess and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. You can thank yourself for your own stupidity, but you must find a way to resolve your inner conflict and gain perspective. Somehow you need to heal your wounds and stand up again from each one of your epic fails. There’s nothing else for it! This cycle of falling down and getting back up will be repeated in varying degrees until you breathe your last breath.
Perhaps it’s best to park these cringeworthy moments to give time a chance to help you understand what brought you to that point in the first place so that you can learn, evolve, and avoid a repeat occurrence.
I consider the dojo as a microcosm of real life. When facing opponents, you may be tripped up, have the wind knocked out of you, and fail to see how you may ever be able to breathe in again. Such is life. Some blows life lands are so harsh that you may be left stripped bare, wondering how you will make it to tomorrow. In the dojo, you will eventually find yourself getting back up to face that nimble and elusive opponent. Each time you get up, you are formulating a new plan to outwit him, out-manoeuvre him, and ultimately beat him.
The challenges life offers are just like those tricky opponents. Your job is to learn, learn and learn some more! Learn about the nature of the opponent. Learn about the nature of the challenge, the obstacle, the burden. More essentially, you must learn about your own nature, your own weaknesses, your blind spots, and grow your understanding of them. Be well aware of them and then turn the tables on your situation by playing to your strengths, evolving your thinking and disciplining your mind to overcome these obstacles when next they present themselves.
One thing’s for sure, life must continue. Pride needs to be put in that annoying back pocket and you must continue to face a new day. Doing this, with some semblance of dignity, may require that you consciously make better choices, remedy some situations, learn from people who know what they’re talking about, or try and understand a matter from someone else’s point of view. It may be a surprise to you, but your view is not the only “right” view and you may even learn something if you kept quiet long enough to let someone else finish a sentence.
Whichever way you look at it, if you’re on your face from a poor decision or a rotten circumstance, you have to dig deep, find that inner strength to pick yourself up off the floor, shake off your humiliation, hurt or regret, and walk forward into your new day. Living in the past is not going to help you. You are alive in the present moment, not yesterday. Tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us, so forgive yourself. Forgive others, I dare you, and accept that people, including you, are flawed. Most are honestly doing their best, but even your best may not be good enough in some circumstances. Choose to learn from your challenging moments. Turn that rubbish hand of cards into a learning opportunity. Get back up and own your space in this world again.
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