The Privilege of Getting Old

When did I get so old?

I have these discussions with God daily when lodging my growing list of complaints about my physical state. This is not me, and it’s an unacceptable condition that I struggle to bear with grace and dignity.

I try to stand up and steady myself on my feet. I risk losing my balance and can barely tie my shoelaces properly. Ridiculous! Pain, discomfort and my body’s lack of obedience are a daily shock to me. My mind looks back indignantly at my highly productive sporting life. What has happened to me?

I know myself as being highly competent, fast, agile, quick, mentally sharp, and usually the strongest guy in the room just because I put in the work as a habitually fit person, not because of arrogance. So, you can understand why I strongly object to this new “normal” where my body is weak, unsteady, clumsy, achy, breaky, creaky and even squeaky!

We went down to Durban for my Book Signing in August 2024, and some of my friends came out to say “Hi”. A last gathering of friends who are still alive, not necessarily well, but still tentatively hanging in there.

Gratitude at seeing each one was the overriding feeling. I realise that age had also laid its craggy hand on each one, but it was a gift to embrace them, shake their hands and see their faces, smiling before me. Gratitude and emotion overwhelmed me as I looked at the quality of people who comprise my chosen community and who showed up to celebrate the book with me, and I am proud to know each one. We may never see each other again, but it was important to me that they know how deeply I appreciate them all as part of my story.

Inevitably, I felt somewhat ashamed of my unsteady gait, and my shaking hands so publicly on display, not to mention my oddly shocking handwriting as my mind tried to command my hand to write “Enjoy the journey” to my friends inside the front covers of their books. A frustrating and futile effort because my writing is foreign to me these days.

Thankfully, my wife, Jewel, has all the answers, so I thought I’d better share them with you.

“Get your mind right!” she reminds me and then launches into a barrage of home truths to ensure that I am taking my own good advice.

She simply states that I am not my body, that I am far, far more than a skeletal frame made of muscle and bone. She asserts that I am worth more than all my achievements put together and that struggling with my health, recovery and the aging process is no shame!

She unceremoniously reminds me that the reason my body is in such a deplorable state is because I have lived my life to the hilt, thoroughly used my body up to achieve whatever I dreamed I could do. She waves evidence in front of me to remind me of the many things I tried to do, even mastering some of them, created works of art to be proud of, ran far, fought hard, climbed high, rode fast, fell hard, had my heart ripped out and operated on a few times, had it restarted countless times, survived chemo, powered through recoveries to my shattered limbs, endured life’s epic emotional heartbreaks and could have died and let go any number of times along the way, but didn’t!

She points out that not everyone has the privilege of reaching the golden years. I joke with her that it’s no picnic either! But the barrage of truths hit me right where I live whenever she rains perspective like this upon me. It forces me to consider my friends and family who we lost along the way who never got the chance to grow up or grow old. Life is indeed a gift, and a long, quality life is most certainly a privilege afforded to few.

So, to my friends who are struggling with their health as the years resolutely march on, when you find yourself frustrated and at odds with your aging body and faltering mind, look back on your life with a sprinkling of dark humour through the lens of fascination, and consider your own amazing journey. Notice how your body has served you well and be grateful to it for carrying you thus far. And remember, that the greater part of you is not your body. The real you is eternal, while your body is just a vessel that carries your mighty spirit for a short while on this earth. We are part of a much bigger picture, and that is a comforting thought.

So says my wise and witty companion through it all, and she is seldom wrong!